Paradise
by steepedinshadows419
Summary: 1x07 - With Alan's dying breaths against her face, Ruth imagines what it would have been like if she had said yes all those years ago. Ruth/Alan. One-shot.


**A/N:** My first Castle Rock fic, so please be gentle! The ending of 1x07 broke my heart. I needed something to soothe me.

 ***** Thanks to **sendtherain** for beta'ing.

 ***** I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

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Her heart pounding, her breathing shallow, she had to strain to hear the last breaths of the man who lay beneath her, the man who had stolen her heart so long ago, and who she should have left her husband for when she still had the chance. Maybe then the citizens of Castle Rock wouldn't hate her Henry so viciously. Maybe then she'd have more pleasant memories to dwell on, and she wouldn't have fallen over the edge as soon as she had. Maybe this wasn't real.

But she knew it was. She didn't need a chess piece to tell her that she had shot that man who knew far too much about her not once, but four times, in the chest. The relief that had overcome her in that moment had been overwhelming. But when the wave passed, she knew something was very wrong. The figure wasn't standing, wasn't angry, was staying down. Even with all the bullets, she couldn't imagine that man – Henry's _client_ – would stay down. He was too young. Too solidly built.

And he hadn't. Because it hadn't been him. One peek around the corner told her who it was. Grief consumed her as she crawled over to her Alan, struggling to breathe.

He didn't say anything and neither did she. Because what could either of them say? She'd been scared for her life, and he'd probably come to save her from that vile creature masquerading as her dead husband.

Alan's breaths by her ear grew fainter, the rise and fall of his chest slower, approaching a stop. Ruth lifted her head and looked down at him. With a twitch of his lips, he gave her the best attempted smile he could muster. Then the light faded from his eyes, and he was gone.

She was suddenly aware of a chill in the air as the reality of what had happened crashed down on her. For the constant memories, fantasies, she lived through made it impossible to know what reality was and what it wasn't, except for by those chess pieces. But she didn't doubt that this moment was silent, real. No younger Henry, older Henry, her late husband, not even Molly appeared beside her in comfort or shock or in a different reality all together. It was just her and the dead body in the dark of that room.

And then a flash of light filled her vision. She felt young and strong again. She was at Alan's doorstep, a suitcase in one hand and young Henry's grip in the other. She didn't know where Matthew was. He was gone. And when that door swung open and surprise, followed by a brilliant smile, lit up Sheriff Alan Pangborn's face, relief flooded through her. Tears filled her eyes. A couple trickled down her cheeks.

Alan stepped across the threshold, brushed a tear away and took the suitcase from her hand.

"Come inside, Ruth," he said warmly, that heart-stopping smile still on his face. "I'm almost ready to go."

She started to smile, and when she stepped into the house she saw herself in the mirror. She really was young. She was beautiful. It was as if time had rewound, and she'd made the right choice after all. Even Henry, showing only half of his body in that full-length mirror, looked unburdened, clear-headed, happy.

"Mom?" he asked, tugging at her hand. She turned to look at him. "Where are we going?"

She smiled softly, gently, at the boy she'd loved from the minute she saw him.

"The Sheriff says Vancouver is nice this time of year," she said cheerfully.

"That's where we're going? Vancouver?"

She nodded. "I think so." She crouched beside him. "Would you like that?"

She watched his exhale and the pleasant smile that spread across his face. He nodded too. Then his face scrunched up.

"What is it, honey?" she asked, squeezing his hand tightly.

"I just…" He met her eyes. "Will we ever come back?"

"To Castle Rock?"

"Mhmm."

"Maybe one day," she said, standing back up. "But not for a very, very long time."

"And…" He gulped. "Dad?"

She grew sullen. She'd hoped what had become of that man wouldn't enter this wonderful fantasy.

"He won't be bothering us again," she said firmly.

She glanced out the still open door, afraid she'd see her husband in the distance. But there was a nothing but a warm, summer, peaceful day to greet her. She allowed herself to breathe.

"Ruth?"

Alan's voice from the kitchen.

"Coming, Alan," she returned.

She squeezed Henry's hand again reassuringly and led him deeper into the house. Alan was smiling when they reached him.

"I packed the truck," he said. "You ready to go?" He glanced from her to Henry and back to her again. She felt a bursting love inside her ready to explode.

"Yes," she said and reached out to take his hand.

He gripped her hand affectionately, led her out the back door and locked it behind him. They all climbed into his truck and then they were driving away, his house and the town of Castle Rock fading away in the distance.

A sound went off in the back of her mind. It sounded an awful lot like a gunshot, but it was faint, so she told herself she'd imagined it. She kept her hand in Alan's warm one and watched as the scenery turned beautiful outside her window, as the life she was about to lead glowed with promise and happiness.

Beside her Alan glanced back at Henry who was quickly dozing off, then he glanced over at Ruth and smiled.

"I love you, Ruth," he said, a whisper meant only for the two of them.

She turned and looked at him. Tears again, happy ones. Only happy tears from here on out.

"I love you, too, Alan," she returned, the words she'd never dared to say aloud as a married woman but there they were, spoken clear and true. "Thank you for saving my life."

He smiled again, then redirected his eyes to the road.

She watched him for a while, traced the lines of his face, his build, his strong yet casual grip on the steering wheel and gave herself permission to feel everything for him. She felt relief for the life she'd left behind, and a love so strong it was hard to believe she'd ever loved another before. Not like this.

She lay her head back on the headrest and turned toward the window. She could hear Henry quietly snoring in the back seat, and she knew he would be okay too. She closed her eyes and let herself drift away.

Finally, she was happy.

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 **A/N:** Did Ruth kill herself to finally be at peace when she sank into her alternate reality? Did she just stay there a little while longer and snap out of it shortly after my fic ends? You decide!


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